Business Problem Memo

I need revision and editing for my memo. These are the critiques I received from my professor:

Good start on the memo. I see some areas for improvement, though:

Quantify the issues described in the Symptoms section using numerical estimates.

In the Effects section, the estimates are a good start, but you should extrapolate them. What would be the long term financial impact if the revised or reprocessed work continues?

Also, be sure to revise the memo to reduce wordiness, as I advise everyone to do.

Disclaimer: I am scanning for major, obvious issues and may notice additional concerns during final grading. Remember, in the business world, numbers are the most convincing. Figures, statistics, and data are essential. It is very rare to write a strong memo without including numbers.

MAKE SURE DO NOT USE AI. Utilize the my draft Memo that I sent and the rubric. Thank You!