Brief Final Draft

Help make edits to paper and incorporate instructor feedback from rough draft. Feedbaaack below incase not showing in attachment. Uploaded predictive memo assignment details for reference

Red-delete (2x)

Box 1-Right idea, but start the intro paragraph with the conclusion that you want the court to arrive at: The enforcement of the contract against the Joneses would be unconscionable because the contract involves a gross disparity and overreaching/oppressive influences. Provide the overall rule statement. Then, include a sentence explaining how there is gross disparity. Then, include a sentence explaining how there is overreaching/oppressive influences. Finally, provide a summary sentence.

Box 2- Right idea, but we want to make it persuasive for the Joneses. Instead, think about how you can alter the language just a bit to something more persuasive and incorporate the issue. For example, you could state the QP as a single sentence: Is a contract for a laundry pair that is more than three times the retail cost unconscionable? Or, you could break the QP into two different sentences, focusing on each of the prongs gross disparity and overreaching/oppressive influences.

Box 3- This is a good overview paragraph for the memo. Here we need to make this an overview paragraph for our client. Start the paragraph with the conclusion we want the court to draw. Then, state the two-prong test. Then, how each prong of the test met.

Blue pin- Cite Derby

Yellow highlight- This should be greatly condensed. Focus just on the most important and legally significant facts. Two to three paragraphs would provide plenty of room to explain the facts.

Yellow highlight- Who? What was distributed? How? You have not explained sufficient information for a reader to understand what happened in the case.

red srike through- This is not the rule statement I gave you in my feedback in the memo.

Blue pin- citation

Blue pin- citation

Red strike through-The last sentence should be the focused conclusion I gave you in the memo feedback.

Box 4- In the rule application paragraph for this section, we want to draw analogies and distinctions with the two cases we have just explained in the rule explanation paragraphs. Are there any comparisons that can be drawn between the cases you discussed and the Joneses? What about the large price disparity compares to the other cases where there was gross disparity? Rule application is not just a repeating of the facts. Rule application draws analogies and distinctions with the two previous cases to arrive at a conclusion for gross disparity based on the comparison. Here is an example: Just as in Sims and Derby where one party would receive all of the benefit and another would receive little, here the Joneses received a small benefit and Advantage received a benefit three times the value of what the Joneses received.

Yellow hightlight- See my comments in the gross disparity section – make the same changes in this section as well, the only difference is that this section is discussing the second prong: overreaching/oppressive influences.

Red strike- remove

Box 5- Start the conclusion with the conclusion that you want the court to arrive at: The enforcement of the contract against the Jonses would be unconscionable because the contract involves a gross disparity and overreaching/oppressive influences. State the two-prong test. Then, include a sentence explaining how there is gross disparity. Then, include a sentence explaining how there is overreaching/oppressive influences. Finally, provide a summary sentence.